#also idk who i am rn lol
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why is every rb i&ve seen of that fuckin "do you like tone indicators & do you use them" poll basically like "no i think theyre st*pid and only weirdos use them why cant you just rephrase what youre saying to make the tone clear like a normal person" like. what
i thought we were at least pretending to unpack ableist bs?
like. you(&) dont have to like them. you(&) dont even have to use them. but theres absolutely no need to say shit like that. especially when tone indicators are specifically accommodations for people who cant intuit tone and (imo) for people who have difficulty making tone "clear" in their own writing (or arent sure if theyre making the tone "clear")!
and i& feel like some people have good points about why they might not be useful for them/everyone (theyre too difficult to remember, i dont understand what this means practically about the sentence, etc), and thats a valuable thing to talk about. but most of the time its so caked in the bullshit i& mentioned above, we cant even get there to talk about its flaws.
if you(&) dont find them helpful, fine. if you(&) find them outright confusing/unhelpful, thats okay! just please dont be mean about other people finding them helpful or even necessary.
#so hy speaks!#disability moment#*siiiiigh*#the last sentence of my& example was nearly a word-for-word quote btw :/#uhhhhh#cursing cw#swearing cw#also idk who i am rn lol#a few of us wrote this too so not gonna do sign offs on this one
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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felizusnavidad -> pardonmydelays
#ok honestly i am so happy that i finally found the courage to do this#felizusnavidad you will always be my favourite url i've ever had but it's time to let her go#new era begins#new (old) hyperfixation new url#sorry to everyone who feels confused rn#also sorry to myself for keeping my christmas url for so long lol#pardon my delay i guess#i wanted something from midwest indigo or lavish or snap back or backslide or#but last night i realized navigating is THAT BITCH#too relatable maybe idk#anyway#not tagging anyone i'm sure my friends will find me anyway#she is gone but she used to be mine*
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Cellbit trying so hard to stay level headed and rational and keep shit together, but when Hombre Misterioso comes in with some fuck shit, and he’s not sure if he’s only hearing him inside his head, his response is basically ‘I can and I will out crazy you without hesitation’. He’s like I have done fucked up shit before and I will do it again if you give me an excuse I swear to god. He’s like I’m level headed and reasonable right now with rigid self control, but if you give me a single reason I will kill us both
#Cellbit on his last thread like I can and I will snap and make this your biggest mistake yet jfjskfkd#he’s like lol if you’re really in my head you picked the wrong guy. good luck have fun#Cellbit who is so aware he is capable of just going fucking off the walls like haha! one more thing and I will go off willingly and it will#have repercussions you wouldn’t have even dreamed of :)#pac walking on eggshells but also needing to rely on Cellbit while helping forever like ‘man isn’t it fucked up were the most stable rn’#he’s very like ‘I’ll light myself on fire to burn you’ kinda energy yknow what I mean#Cellbit a reformed cannibalistic murderer like I have had a fresh start I am a changed man. be careful tho#idk it’s all. his character sure is something lmao#mcyt#qsmp#Cellbit#z speaks
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waow
#before anything else i must warn this is going to be. unorganized thoughts mostly#in the last year or so ive tried to regain confidence that i am in fact plural and am not just faking it#or mistaking other symptoms for DID. shake off the denial y'know. as is so signature for this damn disorder#a diagnosis probably wouldnt even make me feel more sure lol. and also getting diagnosed for this specifically is like#the final boss of psychiatry to put it lightly lol#but when it quiets down in headspace ur always gonna feel like. maybe its over. whatever that was#it was just me and brandy for a while#but guess who had a godawful night and then a godawful morning and split a new alter ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥#he hates it here! he might hate me for creating him! im not sure !#hell im not even rly sure if im juno or brandy rn lol. my mind is just so messy today#i woke up.. when did i wake up. like 9:30 i think and its 1pm now and i haven't gotten out of bed#i don't even remember all that time passing . i couldve sworn its only been like an hour. two at most#on the one hand this has all been kinda terrible and mentally exhausting but at the same time. hey cant say im faking now LMAO#the other hand is brandy. the other hand is absolutely brandy. i am tired lol#im only posting this here so i can just like. process it i guess#ive had a weird time finding an outlet to just spew random thoughts into since leaving twitter so. sorry#idk if anyone's expecting this of me but i always kinda feel like i need some level of professionalism on this account#keyword some. i know this is tumblr#but idk if these very open posts are. annoying? weird? uncomfortable? entertaining somehow?#i know I know theres no point in worrying abt how others percieve you . knowing that hasnt stopped me from doing it lol#i dont remember where i was going w this. maybe i didnt have a goal in the first place#idk if you read this far i dont rly need u to act like u didnt see it cuz like. wouldnt have posted it otherwise#but idk why i am posting. idk what i want out of anyone who has read all this#maybe just. interact w this post in some way idk. it's actually kinda grounding for me if you can believe it#bleghh im thinkin of cheating on my weed break just to treat myself after all this. weed + a long walk would fix me
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well fellas it’s happening i think i am maybe developing a crush on the girl ive been fucking recently 🫥
#the first person who i’ve felt even an inkling of a romantic feeling towards in over a year and of course it’s a fucking pisces#(i do not believe in astrology but i really need to believe in astrology rn for intricate rituals reasons😭)#anyways i feel a little bit insane and i don’t know what i want or what i should say and i genuinely GENUINELY genuinely. genuinely feel lik#e kara in all of the yearny supercorp fan fics#AND ALSO. i am a deeply weird autistic community college student and at the same age she is a neurotypical very very functional phd student#with a real job and a real apartment and a real life and a real future i feel so Unworthy of her lol. i’m good at making her come i love tsk#ing care of her but outside of sex i do not know what i have to offer bc i don’t know if my autistic whimsy personality works on neurotypica#ls. like i have yet to figure out if she likes me as a person or tolerates me bc i am oddly enough really good at fucking her idk.#ALSO . what even is a romantic relationship#like as is we go on cute excursions and fuck. what is the difference btw that and dating except monogamy and even that’s not necessarily a t#hing yk?????#AHHHHHHHHH like in my brain the difference btw romantic and fuck buddies is do you have long term intentions and no we don’t we’re in our 20#s we’re students neither of us is out here looking for a whole ass wife so what is the POINT of these feelings#bc like how does this end except hurt. is it worth the hurt at the end probably maybe idfk!!!#AHHHH WHO LET ME POSSESS THE CAPACITY FOR HUMAN EMOTION 😡😡😡
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It's such a horrible time for me to be exploring my love for fashion when the trend right now is colorless basic asylum aesthetic 😭😭 You can't even wear something with a bit of color without people making fun of you, and YET basic people have the gal to act like they are the ones being oppressed saying "Everyones trying to be unique nowadays! I love being basic so I don't have to impress everyone!☺️☺️☺️"
First of all not everyone's trying to dress up to impress everyone. I'm sorry that I actually just want to express myself while YOU only follow trends. Being basic is literally the socially acceptable norm that was imposed on a lot of people. I HATE THIS SOCIETYYY
#personal#rip me who loves colors I am my own strongest soldier#people who love fashion bc it helps them express themselves bc they know what its like to be deprived of that (me)#rather than only following trends are the REAL ONES#(me)#ok look i own a lot of neutral colors too#but just bc its the most popular style rn DOESNT MEAN ITS SUPERIOR#people who think neutrals are the only superior aesthetic BOOOOO#im gatekeeping fashion from you 🙄#'but unni ur clothes are kinda basic too' yeah but the bar is low here people think im already weird#sorry for the unhinged rant lol I just need to be petty#me speaks#yes this is about mina les newest video to be fair her video isnt bad and she makes a good point#but also#just let me be petty for a bit okay#people are suddenly going im tired of following trends being minimalist is the real me!#as if that isnt a trend itself…#im not saying trends are bad but like at least learn to think about ur fashion inward about what u RLLY like#dont make trends ur entire personality#ALSO idk why people are suddenly realizing that you can reserve simple clothes for most days and special clothes for special days#I thought everyon does that...? or am I normal#it doesnt mean ur personal style is suddenly dead#even the most flamboyant person will have days where they wear t shirt and shorts and thats NORMAL
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i think my biggest character growth over the past 5-6 years? is being able to do this these days
#it still bothers me but im so much better at moving on & being happy with what i have than i used to be. based !#idk like it's easy to fall into a spiral of alienation like Ohh God... I don't feel this thing that Everyone Else Feels... I must be Broken#but idk. as time goes on i find it easier to focus on like. yes of course the friends that will still prioritize me#but also just Myself. like. It's like the more I think about it like Yeah sure it's alienating to not Fit In to a romance based society but#at the same time it's- not ''i don't think anyone could handle me'' because that sounds stupid as fuck and like I'm full of myself LOL#but like. Well nobody could ever really have the full context of who i Am as a person except for myself. so why am i beating myself up for#not being able to feel a certain way about people when i'm really the only person that can Fully get myself in the first place? when instea#i could just celebrate being myself and being on my own. Of course that's not perfect all the time#but it's a lot better than being 16 again like WHY AM I A FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN PERSON#idk maybe all i had to do was graduate college and get a job LMFAO that one tweet thats like#yea im probably aromantic but i have a job so idrc about that rn#talking
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fire and the thud came on my spotify shuffle while me and my sister were listening to music this afternoon, and at the end of it she turns to me and goes “who was that? the lyrics sound like the kind of thing you’d write” and honestly i think it’s one of my favourite unintentional compliments i’ve ever received
#the fact that she’s been reading my writing since we were both kids and knows that side of me better than anyone too#idk it just made it really hit with that bit more weight#also something about it was weirdly validating#because like that whole album has such a special place in my heart#i have never heard anything that connects me so fundamentally with my creativity in the way humbug does#and so to have someone who knows nothing about am go ‘hey these lyrics remind me of the way your mind works’#when hearing those songs for the first time sometimes felt like someone had reached into my brain#was just#yeah#i don't even know actually#i'm not trying to claim i can write like alex btw#i'm not delusional lol#but i do hear echoes of myself and the way i connect with creativity so often in his writing#which is i think why i connect with it so much#even if i express that creativity differently#(and with less skill)#sorry i'm just rambling at this point#i feel like i'm not explaining this well at all but my brain is so foggy rn#so i'm going to shut up now and go back to my book#thanks/apologies to anyone who's read their way though this whole ramble#humbug#lulu posts
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my father telling me how scared he was when i ran away from the house but i cant express how scared i was 2 b in the house
hey, whats up w/that?
#whenever we ‘hang out’ he likes 2 make the topic as depressing as possible by always talking abiut the past#& it is the most annoying shit ever i will not lie BC I DONT WANT 2 TALK ABOUT DEATH & THE ABUSE EVERY TIME I SPEAK 2 U#yk? thag makes sense in my head#anyways he started talking abiut how terrified he was when i had ran away multiple times a couple yrs ago & when i say a couple i mean#i have no idea how long ago bc memory is a bitch#but it had 2 b like middle school - sophmore?#multiple times & like i just wanna shake him bc LITERLLY WHAT & WHO DO U THINK I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM#GODDAMNN I H8 BING THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE WHO CAN EXPRESS EMOTIONS & NOT LET THEM EFFECT HOW I VIEW THE OTHER#‘oh u ran in the park u ran in the park’ i didnt run in the fuckinggppaaarrkrkkkk AAAAAAAAAA I MET A NICE LADY WHO HAD A GOAT IN THE#SPARTMENTS I FRIECIENTED OFTEN WHEN I WAS YOUNGER#i cant express how safe the goddamn goat lady & her kid made me feel vs my parents who started hunting 4 me#like ive been dragged home so many times im not going through that shit again#i miss the goat the mom & the kid we were just chilling @ like midnight 4 a bit#did this turn in2 a vent? idk#i do this a lot ill prolly delete this soonish when im kore calm#bc rn i want 2 chuck bricks in my laundry machine & watch them fly out & hit whatever#im going back 2 watching anime if i have 2 talk 2 1 other person i will actually explode#like irl person not online the silly gay ppl in my phone r super cool & amazing & i love them#im srry 4 bing a dick btw#i cant explain it i mean i could but i cant im just my brain is telling me eveyr1 h8s me & MAN i h8 it when it does#so im just frightened & by golly & am i havign a cheery time yipyipyip#typing in tags is sm easier than in a post bc i dont think most ppl read tags lol#the more i think about my past the more i wonder wtf am i doing here#bc how did i even get out of the house in the 1st place & then ontop of that was able 2 hide#like what……#bc they were fucking grabbing me n shit & they have CARS like i didnt go in the park i walked the sidewalks HOW DID I MOT GET CAUGHT??#MULTIPLE TIMES??? LIKE I ‘ran away’ MULTIPLE TIMES#i didnt exactly run away tho bc i didnt want them 2 file police shit i didnt eant 2 deal w/that & also hirt the pll i stayed over w/#so i always went back. obviously blehhh#ug hj hhhh my heads hurting again this is like the 4th day in a row :((
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:c
#i luv my friends ;-; i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind when i’m not living right by all my friends lmao 😭#i’ve literally been hanging out w ppl like at least every other day if not every day#we made semi spontaneous plan to go to pride tmrwwweww 🥹🥹 i’m excited#i just am so happy that i get to spend sm time w ppl rn bc we’re all somewhat free bc summer 😭#also idk i was just thinking abt this recently but like#it’s kinda new to me to like actually be comfortable/confident in knowing my friends want/like my presence ;-;#even then i’m not that confident LMAO bc after sm time together i’m like surely they’ll get sick of me#like we’ve seen each other every day the past like three days#but no 🥹 ugh like idk man i had one elementary to sort of middle and high school friendship#that like fucked me up i feel like lmfao 💀#like girl sidelined me so much for other friends that i just#:l and cried so much bc of that 😀 anyway 😀#so like idk i’m just so grateful rn 😭😭😭#also was thinking abt it recently bc my mom made me feel judged/ made me feel like she was annoyed that i was staying here on campus#when i technically don’t need to and my main/only reason is bc friends#and after that conversation w her i got kinda annoyed bc i was like#i have had so many conversations w you where i was sad af or frustrated that my friends wouldn’t reach out to me ever#or my friend who never paid attention to me when other friends were around#like i don’t think she’s actually judging like me staying for friends but it was that one conversation we were both kinda annoyed idk#and i was just like . pls#anyway 😀 i always have so many friend thoughts i always be overthinking it LOL#anyway anyway i need to be up in like 6 hrs LOLLLLLL pride tho yay 🥰🥰🥰#rip me not having clean cute clothes for this LOL 🤪#ong last yr i tied my hair in a ponytail w like rainbow hair ties tied down the ponytail……#idk if i have those but if i do maybe i should do that again LOL#idk might be too lazy tho we’ll see how much time i have to get ready when i wake up ��#jeanne talks#TOO MUCH BYE
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i can't get rocky horror picture show. i feel like for it to have appeal to you, it needed to have been formative media and a sexual awakening of sorts. watched it a couple years ago coming from 1. already being out of the closet for years, 2, knowing the reputation rhps has both with the transmisogyny and theater nerds. i was gonna approach it for what it was, and i hoped to at least find some appreciation as a pulp sci fi enjoyer. but what made the most disappointed in the end is that for its reputation, it was not nearly as weird or transgressive or as queer as other 70s movies i know of or have seen. i had already seen phantom of the paradise by that point so my expectations for weird rock operas were set much higher, and i expected more of the pulpiness that it promised. i can appreciate the acting, art direction, some of the music, and i can understand what it meant to people, but there are way better and more entertaining and weirder 70s movies out there. i watched it in a double feature with shock treatment and i liked shock better. if you want a better pulp sci fi sex comedy with questionable elements, watch flesh gordon (1974)
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#I DONT LIKE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW EITHER LOL I had a friend show it to me and I was like#😟 the whole time it really just like does not hold up at all to me. And I am NOT someone who’s a stickler for like#Flawless LGBT representation & im understanding of things being products of their time#But yeah something and everything about rocky horror feels supremely base. I can see it being eye opening/validating for a certain kind#But idk I figured out I was gay and came out to my parents when I was 13 and im just trying to mind my own business rn. Offers me nothing#I can respect a lot of aspects of it in theory and totally respect people for whom it resonated with but overall I just feel like#Like . We were kind of past this back then and are certainly past this by now. It doesn’t serve us much of anything#-But I also largely dislike musicals + I simply just personally find it to be fucking obnoxious. Time warp is a good song tho
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having played a decent amount of bg3 now i can say with absolute certainty that i'm going to durgetash hell
#in my next playthrough i mean#i'm tav rn but when i play durge... oof#i expected astarion to interest me more than he does tbh#however a pretty boy simply cannot compete with a wet rat man#i know a lot of villainfuckers like raphael too but eh#all he does is talk a bunch and be cryptic and not really do anything useful lol#and if you try to make a deal with him apparently he just decides he doesn't want it anymore?#and monsterfuckers seem to be into the emperor but again... eh.#i mean his story is cool i guess but i was kinda annoyed that i had to support him no matter what#anyway i have eyes for one (1) man#i mean my tav is romancing karlach and i do like her a lot & they are chaotic cuties together#my durge is gonna be pure evil though#i am interested to see how it changes things but honestly i was kinda disappointed so far by how many illusory choices this game has#like it seems like a lot of the time they try to make it feel like you have more control over the plot than you actually do#like for example i am playing a gith who ran away from her creche because of strong ideological differences#and i wanted to side with orpheus and kill the emperor but apparently that's just not a real choice? like i guess u just die if u do that#also i succeeded on the check to get ketheric to surrender and he WAS surrendering but then aylin flew in and i was forced to fight him?#so far it seems like you pretty quickly get ushered back into the same main sequence of events no matter what#like the game isn't bad but it also is not as good as i was lead to believe#i know some degree of railroading happens in every RPG ever and is pretty much inevitable ofc#idk maybe it is just bc my expectations were too high bc of how much praise the game gets but it's not really on the level i expected
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Been thinking about idw1's outliers lately, and how sort of wild the whole concept is from a worldbuilding standpoint, and it struck me that most confirmed outlier abilities tend to be really useful, or flashy, or powerfully dangerous, and few to none tend to be like, really boring, or totally impractical, or even entirely useless? Which, doesn't really make sense when considering the fact that outlier abilities are seemingly random.
Surely not everyone who's born an outlier gets something useful?
And I don't mean like, "good" useful, but any sort of useful, even if that means you can kill people with your voice, or give a power boost by exploding yourself, those are still "useful".
But surely there had to be some with abilities that were totally impractical, or nonbeneficial, or at the very least just insignificant or purely aesthetic and pointless?
#mods. enhancements. and artificial outlier abilities are a different thing. with plenty of room for error and drawbacks#but being born inherently an outlier by the sheer whim of. idfk. primus or the planet itself. what's the chances there???#this definitely has to have been discussed before. i'm just too lazy to dig for it rn. but yeah. its a fascinating concept either way#idw transformers#tf idw1#mtmte#lost light#maccadam#maybe thundercracker's sonic booms count. but those have some use. also its funky. so he gets a pass i think#i had more thoughts about this earlier when i first jotted the thought down. but ive forgotten them now >:/#basically its just funny to think of like. shockwaves school and all. going around like ''what can you do?''#and you've got the group we see in the flashback. and then like. some guy whos like ''...i can change the color of energon''#or like. ''i can float! but only like... three inches off the ground''#i cant think of every example. but go down a list of useless superpowers and there ya go#omg. wait. if rewinds whole color changing deal was legitimately a outlier thing. i guess he would count#also. in a similar vein. its really funny to think of outlier abilities as like. stats and stuff? plus 1 to so and so but negative 1 to etc#so abilities had a sort of cost. this is smth ive seen here and there in fics and stuff. and its great.#but its sorta funny to think of working in the opposite way too#take misfire as an example. bcs its funny. negative boost to aiming. but positive boost to evasion#less of a chance to hit smth. but also less of a chance to be hit by smth#idk lol. sorry. ive been doing a lot of gaming lately bcs ✨️stress✨️. so ive got a lot of dumb stats rolling around in my head lmao#also its 4am. so... coherence has long gone to bed before me lol#struggling to sleep again tonight. but more so for anxiety reasons. all these federal job changes are hitting very close to home rn#it'll probably be fine tho. probably. got a lot of other personal shit to worry about anyways. like my fucking medical files being tossed?!#tricare when i get you. when i fucking grt you omg. i didnt even serve. why am i suffering omfg#sorry... thats off-topic. so its probably best i uh. put myself to bed. at 4am. so. goodnight and good morning 🥲👍#tf idw#tf worldbuilding
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y’all i am like 24/7 exhausteddd 😭😭😭 it’s been so busy and i’m a horrible terrible procrastinator which makes everything 10x times worse
it’s so bad I finish one thing and then I have to worry about the next. And the next. And the next…. You get the point
i’m not even procrastinating by doing things I LIKE which is the worst part. Like I just lay in bed and scroll on youtube or tumblr or whatever and I’m not even having fun 💀 bc I keep thinking about what I SHOULD be doing
guys the future is so scary why are there so many things to do 😭😭😭
#I have used the comic kon discord vent channel too much and I think it’s getting annoying OOPS so i must bare my woes somewhere else#Irl friends ignore this i’m fine LOL#So sleepy eepy (<- person who keeps getting 4hrs of sleep everyday)#Also so sorry to Green who’s wonderful rottmnt fic I’m beta reading… I haven’t fully beta read and commented in like two chapters 😭#I’m so sorry i’ve been meaning to or at least comment on the fic on ao3 and I feel really bad but it’s just been overall rough ://#ugh#i’ve cried/almost cried sm over the stupidest shit lately it’s so dumb#ugh this is like all i can do with the energy i have lately#I’m also having trouble talking to people directly online bc idk it’s very hard i overthink and i just. Ugh. too much work rn#Also my slightly unreasonable low self esteem starts kicking harddd when i don’t feel great so i do feel like everyone hates me rn 💔#Welp what can you do lmaooooo#I think there has to be a medication out there somewhere that can fix me but idk i guess we’ll never know#Oh my joints are also not doing great but when are they ever ig#I will probably delete this soon right now i am just yelling into the void
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also congrats on them shiny new pronounce, they look good on you <3
thx :) not 100% positive how hard I want to commit to a whole new identity, some days they fill me with glee and some days they feel weird... it's complicated. I'm very glad I've taken the first step though, and very very glad everyone's been so supportive!
#ask#gedner#wanna try hormones one day but I'm not sure if I'm in a good life position for it yet... I want to be more self-sufficient first#and also I can't afford a bunch of new clothes rn lol. NO clue how bras or makeup or bulge hiding works. family doesn't even know yet lol#on the internet u can be whatever u want... as far as any of y'all know I'm the cutest girl on the planet muahaha (except for like 6 of u)#who've seen The Real Conk in all his/her unphotogenic glory#see like I say shit like THAT while claiming to be unsure... idk man maybe she/her just feels unfamiliar?#rn I def feel like “guy who wants to become a girl and sometimes tries it on for a bit when online but has to take it off to be irl”#like... he/him in the bog she/her in the blog yk lol#thaaaaanks :D#idk who I am or what's going on but the thought of being a girl fills me with glee and I fantasize about it for hours a day that's all I kn
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